Anyone Have Any Beads?!

It's been three weeks since the surgery and I'm doing great!  I've decided I have to quit apologizing for not keeping this up.....basically I pretty much suck at it!!  My goal is once a week....I'm getting closer, this is the 2nd blog this month!
Surgery was a breeze.  I have amazing friends and family that came to the Piper Center just to wait with me until I went back to prep.  It was a perfect diversion... they're so smart...I wasn't even thinking about why I was there.  When I did go back for prep, I met the anaesthesiologist and told him I needed something for nausea, then talked incessantly to the nurse....that's what I do is talk, talk, talk, when I'm nervous.  LLoyd, Mom, and Aunt Georgia came back to say by...well maybe not by..., but to wait with me.  As they were leaving the anaesthesiologist came back with a little round bandage to put behind my ear for nausea..... What?  I told him I needed the big guns...?  I don't remember one thing after he put the little bandage on!  I woke up in my room...Lloyd was making sure the nurse knew they were to let me stay as long as I needed....whether the insurance said I could or not.  I woke up saying...oh, don't mind him...he's kinda gruff on the outside, but really fuzzy on the inside!! The nurse liked me immediately.   The nurses at the Piper Center were awesome, even so, my poor mom slept on an expanda-chair and tended to my every need.  When Toni, the day nurse, came back in the morning, she said...."There's no way anyone will let you stay another night. You're getting around and looking to good to stay".   So... they sent us home with Valium, Vicadin, an antibiotic, and four drains.  Drains are.....icky.. that's the only word I think I should type.  I had to wear this lovely camisole thingy with pockets to carry around gunk my body was discharging through little tubes into these little grenade looking things. The first week, my mom had to empty them twice a day.. ...her facial expression demonstrated the fact that she feels the same way as I do about drains!! That week is now kind of a blur, I think I pretty much stayed in bed and my mom waited on me.  I'm positive she was pretty much sick of me by the end of the week.   I think the drains were the most disturbing part of the whole surgery thing to me.  I got two out the first week and the other two the following week.  I have to wear this really ugly granny bra 24/7 for.....who knows....I still have it on!  Dr. Gawley said everything went well and looks great.  He put 300ccs in the expanders during surgery.  I guess that's normally not done, normally that would take two "fills".....I guess that's what you call it??...  When I went to Dr Freedman, my favorite surgeon, he said the surgery went great, the lump was considerably smaller than it was before chemo.  He took out 12 lymph nodes and only 2 were positive.  All good news...we already knew the lymph nodes were affected but are pretty sure we got it all.  I will have to get radiation, basically as a precaution.  When he did his exam he said that every thing looked really good....no .... I mean it, he emphasized...I've seen a lot of this and this looks great!...Okay...really...do you know how hard I had to bite my tongue to not say..."hmp...maybe you should consider NOT sending people to Dr. Scissor Hands with the Lips!!!  

The radiation doctor, ....I'm not sure what the official title is....but Dr Kuske, is a leader in the field...He wrote the book on radiation...even if he does say so himself!!  Lol! Actually, he is awesome and I think he really did write the book!  I like him and his staff a lot.  He squeezed me in before the week of Christmas so I wouldn't have to wait till next year....something my "best friend", Dr Meng would never think of. I haven't seen her since October....  He, Dr Kuske, was super kind and took all the time we needed.  The only thing I didn't love is that he loves Dr Meng, but he and my GP both said it's not a good idea to switch mid treatment and she's good at what she does....  Soooo, here's the scoop.  I meet with Dr. Meng Monday, the 3rd.  I should start chemo as soon as possible.  I'll do 4 treatments, one every three weeks.  A week and a half to two weeks after my last chemo, I'll go see Dr Kuske.  It will take him about 10 days to set up the radiation protocol, then I'll get radiation 5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks.  I figure that I'll be done around May, at which time we will have a "WooHoo, I'm Going to Live" party!  Dr Gawley won't exchange my expanders for the implants for a year after we complete the radiation.  I saw him today.  He, again, said everything looks great and that I'm healing fast.  He put more fluid in the expanders.  Everyone has told me it feels like an elephant sitting on your chest.  I don't know what I'm going to feel like tomorrow, but now, it just feels like I had a good pec work out.  I told him the whole schedule with the chemo and radiation, but said we might have to shorten the year because I want the new girls by my 50th birthday!  He was sure we can work it out!  Hmm, I sense another party....that is if I'm not at Mardi Gra....I've had to flash my chest to so many times to so many people I might as well get a bunch of bling in the form of beads for it!!

Hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas!!! I finally got a few cards out this year....I buy them every year, so I basically had a whole hallmark drawer to pick from....  If you didn't get one, please send me your address....I've got my mac all set up for next year!  Okay,... maybe I do have a little to much time on my hands!  Let's all pray for a Healthy, Happy, Awesome 2011!  That's what I'm wishing for all of you!

Who is that Hormonal Beast?

I did it again....Now there is ssssoooo much that has gone on I don't even know where to start!!  I have really good intentions to keep this up....and really have no excuses,.... but... I'm going with my brain is some foreign mass in my head.  To complete a whole thought is the ultimate accomplishment, and if I don't write things down the second it enters this mass then it dissipates.  It won't be back for hours...If at all!!  I think I'll just hit the high points.

 Monday, the 15th.  I met with Dr. Freedman, my surgeon.  He is by far my favorite Dr. ... He never searches through your chart while talking to you, gives you all the info you need then says "it's your decision".... What a concept.   We got things buttoned up for surgery.  All I need now is a plastic surgeon!! I keep hearing awesome things about Dr. Gawley. 

Tuesday, the 16th was an amazing day.  My mom had talked with Dr. Fountis (Sophia) at the Greek Festival....They talked about all of us going to Saint Anthony's Monastery in Florence.  When I talked to Sophia, we decided that the week of the 15th would be a good time to go.  That was a month ago and I hadn't though of it again (refer to paragraph one!)  Monday night she called and said we were going on Tuesday!  Oops! So, after I cancelled my Dr. appointment for the day and met Sophia, we drove to Florence.  It was just the two of us .... my communication skills obviously should not be classified as skills...because my mom couldn't get away last minute.  On the way there, Sophia told me all about the monastery and the monks...I really had no idea what to  expect.  It took a year before she got in to see Elder Ephraim....that must not have registered, because I knew I was going to get to see him and surely embarrass myself!  Sophia always bought a book at the bookstore when she went in and consequently learned a lot in a year.  I had the best time getting to know her.  She is so kind and easy to talk to.  She has taken several people to the monastery and has witnessed many miracles.  The monastery is an oasis in the dessert.  It's beautiful, lush, and one of the most tranquil places I've ever been.  We went to wait to be seen by Elder Ephraim.  While waiting, a bus full of Canadian Greeks arrived.  Let's just say it was quite amusing and I was really glad I had my evil eye bracelet in my pocket when I was the third or fourth person in!  Elder Ephraim looks like light.  I don't even know how to explain it.  He has light dancing in his eyes.  He doesn't speak English and I forgot every Greek word I ever knew the second I sat down..... I was just smiling...kinda like an imbecile....Sophia was translating and when he asked me why I was there I said I didn't know!?? Despite myself, he said a prayer over me, I was forgiven for all my sins and he gave me his prayer rope....right off his wrist!  I was truly honored and didn't feel worthy, but really didn't understand the magnitude of the simple act.  Sophia was crying, I thought he gave it to me because she had brought me there and he obviously loves her, but she said she had never seen him do that before.  It's like having a holy relic.  The other day I almost had a heart attack because I accidentally wore it in the shower!  I truly feel blessed and can't thank Sophia enough for the experience and her kindness.  I'm still not really sure why he gave me his prayer rope, but I do know that if a day goes by that I don't use it, I feel REALLY guilty!!

Friday, the 19th, I went and saw TJ, Dr Meng's assistant.  I did a little (or maybe a lot of) complaining.  I just appreciate people who walk their talk and don't really care for people who don't... I wasn't looking for a best friend, just an oncologist.  I don't want to deal with wondering if I'm getting the right information. TJ is awesome and gets the whole walk/talk thing...he's my new contact.  I'll try not to drive him crazy.  All in all we have some great results.  The chemo is really working.  The original size of "my lump" was 4.8 cm and now it's 10 mm.  That's better than normal results, so things are looking great.  My hemoglobin was really low so now I get a new super stingy shot to try and raise it.  Evidently there's a reason I've been such a slug!...More good news!

Tuesday, the 23rd I met Dr. Gawley.  I love him and his office staff.  My mom even loves him!! He went over all the steps, showed me what things will look like, what's possible and what's not.  What a concept!  AND there will be minimal scarring...kinda like what a plastic surgeon would do!!!  So, I don't really know what the heck has happened since then...It's all kind of  hazy.  Surgery is on the 7th...Yikes, that happens to only be 3 days away.  We put up the Christmas Tree up over the weekend.  Today I went and got all the "paraphernalia" I'll need.   I got my prescriptions filled, I might test the vicadin just to make sure it works! Other than that, I'm not really sure what else I need to do.  I feel like I have all this stuff to do, but don't really know what to do?a lot, but not on anything productive or Christmassy...as in presents.  I'm really cranky and hermity ...I'm not sure why anyone would want to spend any time here, but I'm mad at everyone for not coming by....I want people to call, but don't want to talk to anyone!!! What the heck! I've turned into a hormonal beast!  So, sorry if anyone has seen this ugly beast emerge.  I'm working on getting it under control.....Will write again when I come out of my surgery coma!!

The Feather that Floated Down and Broke my Camel's Back

Where does the time go??  I started writing this blog the first week of November......ssssoooo much has happened since then so this is going to be a long one!! The following paragraph was written then:

The last couple weeks have flown by....thanks to my Aunt Mary, Aunt Doris and Uncle Dan.  They came into town Friday night.  It's awesome having some company.  I think that's one of the worse parts.... not feeling good enough to get out of the house ...but  not feeling bad enough to just be sitting at home alone.  Saturday happened to be one of the days I was feeling really good.. I drug Aunt Mary and Thea Georgia all over town getting my errands done.  Sunday I went to the Cardinals game with with Lisa and her family.  What a game!  We had a blast!  I went straight from there to trick or treating and the Halloween Party. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow!  Monday was my last chemo for this round..Yeah!.... Let's get this show on the road.  Monday night we had an awesome evening...Greek Style...in other words...lots of food and family!  It was awesome.  Next week I've got everything scheduled to get going.  Wed. is the plastic surgeon and the MRI, then the following Monday is Dr. Freedman, the surgeon, and Tuesday is Dr. Meng.....ready, set, go!!

So... to bring you up to date..I met with the plastic surgeon Dr. Freedman recommended.  It was disastrous!!  My first impression was not so good....She came into the room with her little cheetah print skirt that was shorter than her lab coat, support hose, 3 or 4 inch heels, and was in her late 50's or early 60's.  Lisa is still asking me if I could even believe her lips,...I didn't see them...  I never got past the Jersey girl blue eye shadow and cat eye shaped pupil.......but still, really wanted to like her.  She asked a few questions, made no eye contact and kept flipping through my file, writing down notes, secret style.....you know, that's when you hold up a paper in front of what your writing and lean down so no one else ..I guess that would be me..can see what it is.  Anyway, I told her that Dr Freedman said I probably will be able to keep my skin and nipple..I know...TMI... She looked shocked and said if I had the cancer YOU have I would not recommend it....but Dr Freedman will make the ultimate decision.  I told her Dr. Meng said if I can keep my skin I wouldn't have to have "extenders"....She was totally confused and said "I don't know what your talking about".  When I explained it's the thing you use to stretch the tissue and muscle...she said "OH...you mean exPanders". .... Really?.... The "T" was really that confusing??!..moving on... she explained what exPanders are and said but they only get so big...Hold the phone.  Wait a minute...how big???? Without typing a book, let's just say she said "nothing like what you have".  ?? What does that mean?  I mean at the moment, since I'm gained weight and refuse to buy bigger clothes, I have a choice.  A uni boob in a sports bra or the lovely 4 boob set in my too small D...I know I know, this is WAY to much info, but I tried writing it without it and it doesn't mean as much to me!!!!   I  crack myself up!!....So, after much coaxing and conversation, I came away with the fact that I am getting B's with scars....I thought I was at a plastic surgeons, wasn't counting on an Edward Scissorhands prophecy....according to Ms. Lips there's no discussion or any other option.  When I asked if I will ever have a normal looking chest, she said, "Well, I could show you pictures, or better yet go on line"...What?  I mean really? My GP forbids me from going on line. It seemed I was getting my PHD on line when I had hives.  Evidently, a little information can be dangerous!! ...Back to the B's,  I have dimples on my behind bigger than that...This was supposed to be the big prize for going through this whole thing!?  Really, I know that's weird, woo hoo, I'm going to live, but I get the "boobie" prize.  :(  No pun intended!  I was fine when I left the office...disappointed, but no tears.  Lisa swears she said "perky B's"..if she did, I didn't hear it.

I woke up Thursday and thought I was fine.... Not so much.. I got on the phone and called Jacquie, a survivor who has been through this whole process.  She had given me a call to answer some questions about this hair growing machine thing.  She was awesome and I kept her number.  She gave me names of plastic surgeons, names of people to talk to at the Virginia Piper Center, and phone numbers for her friend that does the tattooing for most of the surgeons....yeah, weird, but don't ask if you don't know!...  She talked to me for 30 minutes and gave me steps to take to do something different.  I called the Piper center and talked to a cancer care nurse, Marlene, for another 30 minutes.  She also was awesome....I started bawling again when she asked if I wanted to come in or just talk on the phone...I guess the phone was good!  She listened while I talked about my oncologist and gave me some great direction, emailed me a calender with all the events, classes, and support groups that the Piper Center offers, and the name of a different plastic surgeon.  I felt a million times better.  As soon as I hung up, Lisa called with the name of a plastic surgeon.  All three gave me the same name.  Dr Gawley.  I have an appointment with him next Thursday!

Friday morning Dr Meng's office called with good news!  The chemo was working and we can go ahead with the surgery.....  YIKES!    I'm not sure of time frame.  Monday, I'll talk to Dr. Freedman about scheduling and the second opinion I'm getting from Dr. Gawley.  They'll have to work out when they will both be available for a surgery date.  I'm hoping I don't have to start the second round of chemo until I recover from the surgery.  I'm just starting to have some energy and and feel almost "normal".  Well, as normal as I can looking like a favorite uncle.... my eyelashes are falling out...It's bothering me more than shaving my head??...Okay, back to the surgery-chemo thing.  I think we have to wait until the stitches and drains are out and heal.....Then you can fill the exPanders while I'm doing the last four chemo's.  It all sounds lovely, and I can't wait to be done!  It feels like the world's moving on and I'm stuck with no control over it.....Not a good feeling for a  control freak in denial!!!!  So this week, everybody cross your fingers for better news than B's with scars!

I'm so Yucky!!!

I decided I should probably get back on track and update my blog.....the natives are getting restless!!  Ha ha, not really, but people are starting to send flowers and sht!!!  I'm still here, alive and kicking. Yep, I've been in a bit of a slacker lately, but really, I can hardly stand myself.  Probably don't have much to say that would be printable... pissy x 10.  Tuesday the Dr. told me how lucky I am....ya know,.... bite me!!

I had my 3rd chemo.  It was the regular party, lots of good friends and family.  We went to lunch after...just no margaritas this time.  Every now and then I learn my lesson.  This time I decided to do something different.  Dr. Rubin had me come in for vitamin C IVs.  Evidently vitamin C works way better than tequila....Who knew?  I really didn't even get sick, of course then I did way to much and am exhausted, but it was way worth it!  Alex, my nephew, was in town to play baseball in a Junior Showcase at the Peoria Sports Complex.   I made 4 out of his 5 games.... the 1 game we won't talk about, because I was really upset I didn't make it...long, not very nice story! It was great to see Alex, the program said he's 6 ft....can you believe that... When did he grow up?? I didn't think he would understand if I still wanted to call him "punkin head" from the stands! I was so grateful I could go to the games, and he even took time to go to lunch with me everyday.  Saturday, Andi, Athanasia, and Anna all came to the game, we even went to the Greek Festival at "Yiayia's" church for lunch.  So that was my week.... get up, go to the game and lunch, come home, go to bed...repeat.  It was awesome!!
So, like I said, Tuesday, I went back to the Dr.  It was great news.  The "lump" feels fleshy, which is a good thing.  It means the chemo is working!  Yeah!  The plan is...Monday, Nov. 1st, chemo.  Week of the 8th, MRI.  If everything goes as planned I should have my new "girls" by Christmas!   There are lots of little things I would like to talk about at some other time.  At this point I would just like to say that everyone needs to take charge and be an active participant in their own health care.
Today I'm back on antibiotics with a fever.  If everyone can send out a little prayer so I don't miss chemo on Monday, I would really appreciate it....I've seen what you all can do!! Thanks.

Oh.... and just a little FYI about the title....It's for Anna.  When she was little and had a little trouble with her L's , her sisters and I were driving out to my house and Anna announced..."We're sssoooo YUCKY!!!"  Yep, she meant Lucky, but what I wouldn't give for her to ask me to sit in my yap cuz she just yuvs me! But, we're all growing up, Anna's graduated from speech, and yes Dr. Meng.....I am lucky!

Extreme, oh, and opposite Emotions

OMG I have to get out of bed!!! I've fallen right into my comfy self pity poof of a bed.  I really don't want to talk to anybody or do anything....Yep, I just want to lay here...oh, and feel guilty about laying here, but not guilty enough to actually get up...What's up with that????  I keep thinking I need to get up and move...get some exercise...but, then I really don't feel good enough to  get up, then I see my bald head in a shadow or a mirror and think wtf.  What happened? ....

Monday I got my second chemo treatment. Only two more until the surgery.  I can't wait to be done....It feels like the world keeps on going and I'm kinda stuck right where I'm at until I'm done.   Okay, Okay...enough... Monday was fun.  We had a regular chemo party!  I had my "posse" with me.  I was done in two and a half hours....Piece of cake!!

From there we went to the mall in search of wigs.  What a trip...Mall hair x 10!!  I'm still not sure about the lady working in the wig store... I mean really, if your selling the whole idea of people not being able to tell the difference, you should probably exemplify that particular quality!  It kind of reminded me of the lady that worked at Garrett's growing up....really? you didn't notice your lips are a half inch below your lipstick line?  Anyway, I'm not sure if she was really happy we were there or not.... I finally had to tell her what kind of shopper I am....I WILL have to try on every wig in here before I buy one...sorry, should we come back another day... or is that your job???? Okay, maybe I'm a little cranky!   Teri took a picture of me with each wig on..... Maybe I should have looked at the pics before I bought one!!

Throw on a wig to throw your "hair " in a pony??

Whose nose is that?

to red to many chins?

What did I say I did??

how does blond = horse face?

Okay,  I hope I'm amusing you, because this is humiliating!



 Dolly Who???? Where???    Maybe after the surgery!





Maybe something a little different??

Perfect!!

Pink & Green

be fab!!

It was a fun day!  From there we went to lunch for margaritas...in the future, just so I know... Margaritas and chemo don't really mix!!  Maybe that explains the last two days of not being able to eat and not getting out of bed... Oh and just so the Dr knows.... Chemo is to a weight loss program... maybe she just hasn't done it.  The problem is ... you really don't care if your losing or not... you just want to feel good.    Maybe feel good and be "normal".  Normal is kinda hard with this thing sticking out just under your skin on your chest ...oh, and the whole bald thing.  That's hard to fake for normal.  I think I'm sounding a little pathetic so I'll quit writing for today....I think I'll go for a walk.  It's beautiful out.  I do want to say before I sign off, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all my awesome friends and family who have materialized out of the blue.  I know that in day to day life I have always thought about you and thought I would be there if you ever needed me...I didn't realize how many of you were there for me.  This whole process, however much it sucks, does make you stop and take notice of who and what is important in life.  You all are taking the bite out of my trip. I don't know how I will ever be able to give enough back to make it up to all of you.  I just want you to know you are soooo much appreciated!  Thank you, thank you!

Emergency Head Shaving Party!

The day started with with the shower water not draining...OMG... there was a baseball size glob of hair that didn't make it down the drain, which to me meant, I'm sure lots did,.... but then maybe now I got all of the loose hair and the rest will be secure.  Whatever!  If I ran my hand through it, I would come up with even more hair than yesterday.  It was one of the few days I had to leave the house,  I'm so grateful that I can stay home when I need to.  I then had to figure out what in the heck I could wear that would go with a bandanna and baseball cap.  I was going to lunch with my cousin Teri and her friends at the Enchantment Resort.  It is amazingly beautiful there....You know, before this pesky cancer thing I probably wouldn't have taken the time...and boy did I hear about it....to drive 1 1/2 hrs to just go to lunch then turn around and drive back.  It was sssoooo worth it. Okay, wait, back up,  I've driven to Prescott (1hr drive) for a 17 second horse race got my picture taken, got back in the car and went back to work! Anyway, I had to try to keep my hair "contained". Nobody wants to have lunch with someone that would get hair in their meal!  I was shedding like an Alaskan Malamute in Arizona.   I was afraid I was going to take my bandanna off and all of my hair would be in it... scary!  I actually looked, then I called for the emergency head shaving party.  I had decided that I wanted "my kids" to cut my hair for me.  I thought it would be better for them so they just didn't show up and I was bald, AND they are incredibly fun to have around! I had talked about it with their real mom, Andi, and it was the plan.  I called Andi.  This can't wait till next week, there might not be any hair left by then.  They were coming at 7:00pm.  That, in itself, was no small feat.  We're talking three very active girls. Their schedules are packed; between homework, cross fit, cheer, singing, softball, Greek dance, friends and, oh, just being kids they have 0 time.  They were rounded up and all at my house at 7:00 with Thea Georgia in tow.  Lloyd came over with clippers, and Teri showed up with a camera...great?  I ordered pizza, I didn't really know what to serve at a head shaving party ...I ate my gluten free meal...what will power!..then it was time for the main event.  Yikes! First, we had to decide who was going first... there was some discussion about who wanted to do what style...I was like a human Chrissy doll.  Do they even make those any more? I'm sure now it's some computer generated makeover!...  At first, they each took a turn cutting rather timidly, Anna was holding my hand for support.  It didn't take long for all three to be working at the same time..  I went from Rhianna to Brittney in less than an hour!  And, okay, I can be an idiot and still say some of the stupidest things on the planet.  Never say, " Be careful with those scissors, if I get cut I could die!...omg..I'm kidding, I'm kidding".  Evidently, NOT funny.  I keep forgetting that everyone doesn't know that I'm going to be okay.  Other than that, we had a blast..in a weird sort of way. Lots of love and laughter.  Thanks girls!   I can't imagine watching it come out piece by piece,  or sitting in a salon or barber shop watching someone shave it off. You did an awesome job and made me laugh!   Next official party is the Wig Hunt on Monday!

More Bugs, Less Hair

Today I started feeling guilty for not being at work.  I'm thinking that may be one of the lessons I need to learn....uh, right.....I need to learn how to take time off and not feel guilty....that really may take some time... I'm willing to buck up and work on it!!  I must have thought if I was doing something productive there shouldn't be anything to feel guilty for? I decided to clean out my pantry. I have those little flour bugs..I don't even keep food in there any more but they are still there.  Anyway, this turned into a huge project.  I took everything out and ran to Target to get some Clorox, rubber gloves and a mask.  Isn't that ridiculous!  I had to wear rubber gloves up to my biceps and a mask to clean out cabinets?  It did make me rethinking the whole mask to the grocery store thing.  I don't know if I happen to have a particularly high water content in my breath or what , but how do you breathe through the condensation that little mask holds, I thought I was going to drown!....But do you know what the big lesson for the day was??  Never, ever do anything that involves little bugs when your hair is falling out...OMG.. every time  a little hair fell, which is quite often, I thought bugs were crawling all over me. I still have the willies.  It was exhausting... actually, I have to finish in the morning and put everything back tomorrow.  I have awesome friends that keep offering to help me...Whatever I need?  That's so nice..I do really appreciate it.  Problem is, I feel great, (right now).  It would just be wrong  if they cleaned out my garage...right???!!  Who knows what I'll find in there.

Good Blood, Bad Hair.

WooHoo!  My blood work from yesterday was normal...Ha.. That's the body I remember!  Volcanic eruptions cant' keep us down!!  It's amazing what the right nutrition can do for you. I've decided that my personal bipolar health care routine needs some consistency.  I'm always either all in or on the couch eating bon bons. . Last week I concurred the gluten free diet.  Of course, there wasn't much conquering going on, I mean, it's really hard to eat the delicious prepared meals? Oh well, whatever it takes,  I did stick to it and I think that's why I feel great!  Today I started working out again.  It felt good.  I found myself thinking about how easy getting ready will be with a bald head!  I postponed my head shaving party until next week.  I thought I'd have to have another round of chemo before it started falling out.  I thought wrong.   I'm thinking we should push it up a little...by next week I'm sure I'll be supporting a Trump do.  Last night the hair on the top of my head hurt...you know, like I just took corn rows out that had been in for two or three weeks...  Corn rows?  Is it still called that? It's that hair do at any island or beach resort that screams "tourist" on most anyone over 16....  If you've never had corn rows, or , I guess cancer, I know you're thinking how can your hair hurt?  It's like it got stuck in one position and it's to stiff to move, kinda like my knees when I sit "Indian style" for a couple hours after 40.  Yeah, yeah a couple hours is a huge exaggeration, make that two minutes, if I'm feeling especially limber!  Anyway, when I rubbed my head I came up with a hand full of hair.  It's a weird feeling.  and of course, considering my neurotic tendencies, I HAD to keep checking it.  It's amazing I still have any left tonight.  All day I would pull it just to see if it still was coming out.  I don't know, wouldn't most people be satisfied after, say, four or five clumps.  I think I checked every 1/2 hour all day.  Although, wouldn't you know,.... while I was driving, I did notice it doesn't seem to have the same effect on my ZZ Top beard or Pancho Villa mustache. That's just friggin awesome news....

It's the Little Things

 My immune system is definitely off my bff list right now.  The tiniest thing that in every day life I wouldn't give a ...wait not a second thought, not even a first thought about, creates unbelievable chaos.   It started on Wednesday in Sedona.  During the day I noticed a small bug, spider , what ever bite on my stomach.  No big deal.  It was really tender to touch, so I didn't touch it! It turned out to be obnoxious by bedtime.  It really started to hurt,  and somehow, it was the size of a cupcake... Wow, that whole gluten free diet thing is working...cupcake, really?  When I can equate that icky growth to my favorite food group, I just might see slenderness in my future!!...  Considering I now want to wear a hazmat suit to the grocery store, you can imagine how I might feel about the emergency room.  Why do things always get worse after 5:00 pm? I had just gotten an email from a friend casting her vote to shave my head.  She had a friend that did it after med school and SHE said it was quite liberating.  My friend did add that this lady just got back from a 3 year sabbatical which consisted of a silent Buddhist meditation, volunteering in Africa and relaxing in Singapore.  I'm not sure about the silent part.. Anyway, I remembered that this friend had had a spider bite on her finger AND she's a Dr.,  Sweet!!  I called right away...I may turn into her biggest nightmare the next few months!!  I was already on antibiotics so I was assured I would live until morning when I could call the oncologist.  Fast forward to today, Monday, blood drawing day.  I decided to ask the PA about the volcano on my tummy. That stupid little bite is delaying my chemo for a week. Oh, and FYI there's no deals to be made with oncologists.  Mine really doesn't care that I now have to postpone my head shaving party to next week... I mean really, it's not like you can have two head shaving parties.    Anyone have any spare white blood cells?!

The End of the Week and my Sanity?

I haven't written for a couple days so this might get a little lengthy.  There are these little things bouncing around my brain! None of them have anything in common, but we'll just see where we end up.  I ended up coming home.  I came back from Sedona Friday instead of Sunday.  I had a certifiable, crazy lady break down. The day did start off a little crazy,  I had to change hotels, then I didn't, then I did, then I didn't, then I did.  So after I packed up...why did I bring up all this stuff here? I've worn two pairs of pajamas and my robe.....I went to lunch with my mom's friend Shirley and her friend.....Oh crap...I forgot her name.. she was a super nice lady...We had a great time or at least I had a great time.  Yes, my mom even arranged for me to have company... I told them probably WAY more than they wanted to hear about me.  I guess I had a little cabin fever.  Anyway, while we were in line at Wild Flower a couple handed me an envelope and said it was for a free breakfast or lunch.  I was either looking like I needed some help or had an amazing aura.....uh, you know, we were in Sedona.   I said Thank You, and started to ask what it was for and they were gone.  It was a gift card for $20.  Where the "To:, From:" section was they drew a heart.  I wanted to yell after them "I'll pay it forward"... I get it!  Oh, and I'm choosing to think I had an amazing aura going on, not that I looked homeless.  Anyway, as for the rest of the day, let's just say if you're in business, or actually, in life in general, don't say you can do something if you can't, and especially don't do it five times in one day to the same person.  Even people who are being nice have a breaking point.  I guess the saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" exists for a reason.  I blew, used some inexcusable language, and went home.  My loss.  I did get some desperately needed sorting and cleaning done with the extra time at home, so all is not a loss.  Most of you know what a neurotic organizer I am...you remember when I couldn't wait for "Organized Living" to  open so they could organize my life...turned out that wasn't what they did, but now I have a container for everything. ..Plastic shoe boxes with Polaroid pictures of the shoes in them. Enough said.  Now my Dr. bills, Prescription bills, insurance statements, Dr. instructions, etc. are all nice and tidy in pretty Ed Hardy notebooks.  By the way, the irony that Ed Hardy and my cancer are both on their way out is not lost on me.  I have so much more to tell you, but I'm finally sleepy and going to bed.  Tomorrow you can look forward to the saga of the gargantuan dilemma brought on by a bite...not sure what kind of bite, maybe a spider, maybe a gnat, but what a problem!!