Remeber Me!

 Okay, I know it's been forever since I've written... It was actually February, 2.... I've been debating what to do. I don't really want to write a book for this blog. Of course, I've been thinking about this for the last 2 months.....Kind of like the car detailing coupon I bought in January of 2009.  I wouldn't wash my for the last 2 1/2 years because I knew I had that coupon.... which I wasn't even sure they would still honor!   I did have to give in,  maybe twice....anyone who has been in my car now knows why it looked like it did!!  I actually used the coupon , now I have no excuses....... Okay , back to the blog... so much has happened since February 2nd,  I'm going to try to remember and catch you all up.. since I can't really remember what I did yesterday....it might take a while!
I just read my last blog... That was the first and last day I used the Ab thingy, or took a walk..  I HAVE to start a program to get back to some resemblance of myself.
Anyway, March 4th was my last TH chemo.  I was planning a little girly thing with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries at chemo.

 .... Lisa called me on her way to Colorado the end of February or first of March and said....Hey, did you know your last chemo is on Fat Tuesday!!?? ... Holy crap.... let me tell you about the chaos that call caused!!!  How could I pass up that opportunity for an awesome Last Chemo Fat Tuesday Party!! If you weren't there you can't imagine what we pulled together in a week!! I got on line and ordered amazingly large decorations,  did the e-vites, and called for back up!  Teri flew in from Denver to attend.... and I'm not sure if she knew how much she was going to help!  What would I do without her!!  Soooo...Lisa got the catering together,... Jumbalia etc,... Mom was in charge of the Hurricanes, Lloyd helped pay for the decorations and Teri, Lisa, Candy, Terri, Charlie, Tom and I got them all up!  Terri took care of the cupcakes and King Cake..... There, the party is planned!!  Now it was time to execute... 

I had a whole group at chemo.  We had chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.... while Teri shaved and painted my head for the party!

I mean really, when would I have another chance to do something like that again?!  I only had peach fuzz anyway.... and I can guarantee I'm not shaving it next year!

While we were at chemo a whole crew was pulling it together at the house for the Mardi Gra party.  It looked amazing!  Here are a few pictures!

It was awesome fun!!   Here are a few pictures of my "crew"!

 


When guests arrived, Athanasia would help them get hats, beads, and masks.  Anna , or later, Lauren , would take pictures. They out did themselves setting the place up for fun. ....Who couldn't have fun with the beads, the hats, the masks, and decorations and food.  The delicious Hurricanes didn't hurt!.... How many people could possibly show up with a week's notice on a Tuesday night, right??.... 80.... that's the answer....yep 80!!  It was a GREAT day!!  I couldn't believe how many friends came to celebrate.  It was a blast to see everyone and I think every one had a great time!  We had so much fun we decided we're going to do it every year!  Next year is February 21!

Now it was time for a 3 week break, then on to radiation.  I'll try  write again soon... I really didn't keep the "not writing a book" statement.....I did stick to one day!!!  I'll write again soon to catch everyone up to date..

Get Me Some Music!!

It's official.... I'm sick of being sick!  I had an appointment with Dr. Meng yesterday.  She said that anyone who tells you they went through this whole process rock solid mentally is lying.    As you all know, I haven't been in the best of moods....actually, not even best of moods, my mood has been fine I just don't have any umph.  That is until I go to bed....I toss and turn until 4:30 am, then sleep until 11:00.  If I would just get up and do my projects or actually do any thing it wouldn't be so bad, but I've been a slug. I've had no desire to go anywhere , do anything, or basically just get off the couch.  As much as I love Hermitville, I need to do something....sssooo... Are you getting the picture?  I'm laying around all day feeling guilty for laying around all day.  Lovely!  Dr. Meng gave me a little help.  She gave me a prescription for something like zanex to take before bed, and something with some pep in the am.  So, there you have it. I've become one of "those" women and I don't even care, it's temporary. I was just so excited that I was going to be able to sleep that night!  I met my Thea Georgia for lunch.  We ran by Bed Bath and Beyond after so I could get a squeegee......Unfortunately, I spotted an AB Circle Pro....my squeegee ended up being $200.00.  I thought it was the perfect solution..I didn't have to get to far from the couch, but could still get some exercise, which would lead to more exercise, and eventually, actually get out of the house!  I was so excited to get home and put it together....of course, in my true backward fashion...I also went on line and read the reviews after I bought it..I don't care.  If it gets me going before it breaks, I'll be good with it.  I actually love it.  I used it yesterday,  took some Maalox (yummy moussaka for lunch), then put wii dance on and danced for 45 minutes, took some more Maalox,  (the moussaka was really good...the first time...  by now... not so much) and went for a 30 minute walk with Lisa, and Candy!  I felt great last night and can still walk this morning!  I was thinking about my old routine and what gave me the motivation to get up every morning at 4:30am, put on my ipod and work out hard for at least an hour.  I think I love the music and it made me feel great!  Poor Lloyd, I would be on the elliptical singing at the top of my lungs to music he couldn't hear...I know anyone whose been in earshot of my singing voice has a new deep felt feeling of sympathy for him!  Anyway, last night I slept like a baby.  Got up this am, used my AB circle, and put some primer on my projects.  I'm thinking I have a lot to do before my last chemo on March 8th....I'll probably have to go back to work!  I need to have all my projects around the house done and exercise a habitual part of my day.  I'm heading to my chick den (thanks Tanna) to paint until the girls get here to dance!

Gloom Excuses...Doesn't Even Sound Right!

It's the twenty fifth and I'm tethered to the chemo drip.  Only two more to go...woo hoo!  Apparently, I've been gloomy!!  I know... that's why I haven't been writing!!  (thanks for the little butt kicking, Bo)  Turns out I had an excellent reason to be sleeping 12 hours a day...I had about 2 white blood cells in my whole body!   My white count had dropped to critical and my good ole bod was just  trying to keep up.  I had to come in for three stingy shots to give it an immediate boost.  I was told my immune system was so compromised that I should not even eat raw fruits and vegetables, let alone go in public.  Unfortunately, hermitty is my new m.o., so I kinda feel better when I have a legitimate excuse to lock myself in my house!!  Once I got a little more energy I started some projects in my "female cave" ..... why does that sound so awkward when " man cave" doesn't...oh,...wait, by the way, I mean art projects in my garage!!  I had awesome inspiration.  My friend, Meg Harper, was in the art show in Carefree last weekend and stayed at my house so she wouldn't have to drive back and forth from Mesa everyday.  It was great to have her there, although, I am sympathetic to anyone who is in earshot because when I am around people I talk incessantly!  In my head I'm going "SHUT UP", but just keep going.  It's a terrible side effect of hermititus!!  Anyway, you should all check out her website, megharper.com.  She is as amazing and uplifting as her art.  This past weekend my Aunt Becky, Uncle Tom, Karen and Arnie visited....again, I had an awesome time.  I think I may have conquered one lesson I think I  was supposed to learn a little to well...They put all my Christmas stuff away, cooked and cleaned, put up my hammock, and Aunt Becky helped me with my volunteer AQRA paperwork. ...the lesson is letting and asking people for help, saying thank you and not feeling guilty. Who knew...they feel great in the giving...or are really good pretenders!   Their visit was short, but very sweet.  I'm really going to miss my Aunt Becky's delicious cookies, but I wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to come back....who knows what kind of huge project I may have going!
I've done a lot of .....what do you call it...soul searching....looking at my life with a magnifying glass....inner reconciling??? What ever you call it..that...that's what I've been doing the last three weeks.  I don't know if it's because every time I walk past a mirror I have a harsh reality check.  I look like Papouli!!! That would be a Greek Grandfather...to my family, I'm sure it brings up a vision of a very, very old Papouli with a blue bathrobe and really nasty toe nails! (the toe nail part was for you, Loretta...visions of pruning shears!)  I guess if I wouldn't run around the house in men's flannel pajama bottoms, a wife beater, and my baldish head...I really do look like my name should be Gus...it wouldn't hit so hard.  Speaking of my baldish head, my hair is growing in....it's about a quarter of an inch long and oh so grey...white..whatever, I feel ancient.  They keep saying it's going to fall out again...I wish it would, I actually like bald better.!  If I knew it was going to stay I would do this speed grow process...kinda like chia pets.... so I could color it!! I think that's what started the whole inner perspective process...I really don't think it's vanity...I think I really didn't know I was this old!  And of course, that makes you think of where your at and how you got there.  I do have an amazing life, but I've kinda got here by the seat of my pants!  I have lived a very unconscious life...since I can have fun in a cardboard box, I just kind of stay where I'm put and make the best of it. ....BUT is it what I want...OR what the world, family, or friends expect.. Do I even care whose "idea" or path I went down..Do I take living in the moment to the extreme?..Who Me? Weird!...anyway, somewhere I lost , or never had, the notion that this is my life.  It seems kind of late to be deciding what I like.  Aren't you supposed to to do that when your 3 ... or at least teens and twenties.  Where was I?  I'm not saying this in a gloomy or sad way, it's just one of those aha! moments, or maybe a wtf momment!  Everyone I meet in my shoes say this whole process is a life changing experience.  I get to choose if it's going to be a positive or negative experience.....oh, wait...I think my whole life has led me up to this point...I can even be happy in my (temporary) little cancer box!  Is my lesson is to maybe be happy, but maybe a little more conscious in my box?..by the way I already know my box is round!!!

Where Did I Hide First Gear?

Okay, ...so I'm back on chemo.  I started last Tuesday.  I had an appointment with Dr Meng on Monday,..... we had our little chat.... My mom almost fell out her chair when I told the Dr she didn't walk her talk.  We worked things out, we'll see how it goes.  Anyway, when she asked when I wanted to start ......and what was I thinking????......I said tomorrow.   I was really dreading it, when I've had to go into the office for anything, a shot or an appointment, I can't stand the smell of the place,  I can't get out of there fast enough, I don't want to be nice to anyone...and I said tomorrow?   Due to the short notice, there wasn't a big party.  May faithful attendees...my Mom and Thea Georgia were by my side.  It wasn't that bad.  I didn't get nauseous and didn't feel to bad.  I don't know if it's was the steroids or the dread, but it made me really hungry.  The Dr said to go for comfort foods....nothing that would be healthy. ... really?   No fruit, salads, etc.  Nothing acidic.  How did she know that my comfort food group didn't include apples, celery and spinach? HA!  hmmm, probably the size of my butt!!  Big mystery there!  Of course, that's what sounds good now...I'm such a two year old..just tell me I can't have something and that's what I have to have...
So, now I'm back on the poked and prodded path.  Ugh.  I'm back at Dr Rubin's office getting Vitamin C IVs, I've filled my pill box with the appropriate vitamins and we're going forward!...Have I talked about my pill box?  It is ridiculous...any self respecting yiayia would be green with envy!!  This week has gone pretty good.  I haven't felt horrible, but I haven't felt great.  I'm sleeping like 12 hours a day.  I'm trying to decide if I'm depressed or it's really that hard on my body.  The only side effects ...besides sleeping so much is heartburn....I guess that's what it is?  From my Adam's apple all the way down just burns.  The first two days were funny.  I kept saying I'm not going to be sick, I'm not going to be sick, I'm not going to be sick....oh when am I going to be sick!  If heartburn is the only issue, I think I can handle it.  Only three more to go...the next one is the 25th.  I think the hard part of this whole thing is how long it lasts.  It's not just here take this prescription, or recover from this surgery..... it just keeps going on and on.  I need to get moving, doing something, but  I just go back to sleep.  The rest of the world keeps running, and I'm stuck in neutral.  Any suggestions on how to find at least first gear?

Anyone Have Any Beads?!

It's been three weeks since the surgery and I'm doing great!  I've decided I have to quit apologizing for not keeping this up.....basically I pretty much suck at it!!  My goal is once a week....I'm getting closer, this is the 2nd blog this month!
Surgery was a breeze.  I have amazing friends and family that came to the Piper Center just to wait with me until I went back to prep.  It was a perfect diversion... they're so smart...I wasn't even thinking about why I was there.  When I did go back for prep, I met the anaesthesiologist and told him I needed something for nausea, then talked incessantly to the nurse....that's what I do is talk, talk, talk, when I'm nervous.  LLoyd, Mom, and Aunt Georgia came back to say by...well maybe not by..., but to wait with me.  As they were leaving the anaesthesiologist came back with a little round bandage to put behind my ear for nausea..... What?  I told him I needed the big guns...?  I don't remember one thing after he put the little bandage on!  I woke up in my room...Lloyd was making sure the nurse knew they were to let me stay as long as I needed....whether the insurance said I could or not.  I woke up saying...oh, don't mind him...he's kinda gruff on the outside, but really fuzzy on the inside!! The nurse liked me immediately.   The nurses at the Piper Center were awesome, even so, my poor mom slept on an expanda-chair and tended to my every need.  When Toni, the day nurse, came back in the morning, she said...."There's no way anyone will let you stay another night. You're getting around and looking to good to stay".   So... they sent us home with Valium, Vicadin, an antibiotic, and four drains.  Drains are.....icky.. that's the only word I think I should type.  I had to wear this lovely camisole thingy with pockets to carry around gunk my body was discharging through little tubes into these little grenade looking things. The first week, my mom had to empty them twice a day.. ...her facial expression demonstrated the fact that she feels the same way as I do about drains!! That week is now kind of a blur, I think I pretty much stayed in bed and my mom waited on me.  I'm positive she was pretty much sick of me by the end of the week.   I think the drains were the most disturbing part of the whole surgery thing to me.  I got two out the first week and the other two the following week.  I have to wear this really ugly granny bra 24/7 for.....who knows....I still have it on!  Dr. Gawley said everything went well and looks great.  He put 300ccs in the expanders during surgery.  I guess that's normally not done, normally that would take two "fills".....I guess that's what you call it??...  When I went to Dr Freedman, my favorite surgeon, he said the surgery went great, the lump was considerably smaller than it was before chemo.  He took out 12 lymph nodes and only 2 were positive.  All good news...we already knew the lymph nodes were affected but are pretty sure we got it all.  I will have to get radiation, basically as a precaution.  When he did his exam he said that every thing looked really good....no .... I mean it, he emphasized...I've seen a lot of this and this looks great!...Okay...really...do you know how hard I had to bite my tongue to not say..."hmp...maybe you should consider NOT sending people to Dr. Scissor Hands with the Lips!!!  

The radiation doctor, ....I'm not sure what the official title is....but Dr Kuske, is a leader in the field...He wrote the book on radiation...even if he does say so himself!!  Lol! Actually, he is awesome and I think he really did write the book!  I like him and his staff a lot.  He squeezed me in before the week of Christmas so I wouldn't have to wait till next year....something my "best friend", Dr Meng would never think of. I haven't seen her since October....  He, Dr Kuske, was super kind and took all the time we needed.  The only thing I didn't love is that he loves Dr Meng, but he and my GP both said it's not a good idea to switch mid treatment and she's good at what she does....  Soooo, here's the scoop.  I meet with Dr. Meng Monday, the 3rd.  I should start chemo as soon as possible.  I'll do 4 treatments, one every three weeks.  A week and a half to two weeks after my last chemo, I'll go see Dr Kuske.  It will take him about 10 days to set up the radiation protocol, then I'll get radiation 5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks.  I figure that I'll be done around May, at which time we will have a "WooHoo, I'm Going to Live" party!  Dr Gawley won't exchange my expanders for the implants for a year after we complete the radiation.  I saw him today.  He, again, said everything looks great and that I'm healing fast.  He put more fluid in the expanders.  Everyone has told me it feels like an elephant sitting on your chest.  I don't know what I'm going to feel like tomorrow, but now, it just feels like I had a good pec work out.  I told him the whole schedule with the chemo and radiation, but said we might have to shorten the year because I want the new girls by my 50th birthday!  He was sure we can work it out!  Hmm, I sense another party....that is if I'm not at Mardi Gra....I've had to flash my chest to so many times to so many people I might as well get a bunch of bling in the form of beads for it!!

Hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas!!! I finally got a few cards out this year....I buy them every year, so I basically had a whole hallmark drawer to pick from....  If you didn't get one, please send me your address....I've got my mac all set up for next year!  Okay,... maybe I do have a little to much time on my hands!  Let's all pray for a Healthy, Happy, Awesome 2011!  That's what I'm wishing for all of you!

Who is that Hormonal Beast?

I did it again....Now there is ssssoooo much that has gone on I don't even know where to start!!  I have really good intentions to keep this up....and really have no excuses,.... but... I'm going with my brain is some foreign mass in my head.  To complete a whole thought is the ultimate accomplishment, and if I don't write things down the second it enters this mass then it dissipates.  It won't be back for hours...If at all!!  I think I'll just hit the high points.

 Monday, the 15th.  I met with Dr. Freedman, my surgeon.  He is by far my favorite Dr. ... He never searches through your chart while talking to you, gives you all the info you need then says "it's your decision".... What a concept.   We got things buttoned up for surgery.  All I need now is a plastic surgeon!! I keep hearing awesome things about Dr. Gawley. 

Tuesday, the 16th was an amazing day.  My mom had talked with Dr. Fountis (Sophia) at the Greek Festival....They talked about all of us going to Saint Anthony's Monastery in Florence.  When I talked to Sophia, we decided that the week of the 15th would be a good time to go.  That was a month ago and I hadn't though of it again (refer to paragraph one!)  Monday night she called and said we were going on Tuesday!  Oops! So, after I cancelled my Dr. appointment for the day and met Sophia, we drove to Florence.  It was just the two of us .... my communication skills obviously should not be classified as skills...because my mom couldn't get away last minute.  On the way there, Sophia told me all about the monastery and the monks...I really had no idea what to  expect.  It took a year before she got in to see Elder Ephraim....that must not have registered, because I knew I was going to get to see him and surely embarrass myself!  Sophia always bought a book at the bookstore when she went in and consequently learned a lot in a year.  I had the best time getting to know her.  She is so kind and easy to talk to.  She has taken several people to the monastery and has witnessed many miracles.  The monastery is an oasis in the dessert.  It's beautiful, lush, and one of the most tranquil places I've ever been.  We went to wait to be seen by Elder Ephraim.  While waiting, a bus full of Canadian Greeks arrived.  Let's just say it was quite amusing and I was really glad I had my evil eye bracelet in my pocket when I was the third or fourth person in!  Elder Ephraim looks like light.  I don't even know how to explain it.  He has light dancing in his eyes.  He doesn't speak English and I forgot every Greek word I ever knew the second I sat down..... I was just smiling...kinda like an imbecile....Sophia was translating and when he asked me why I was there I said I didn't know!?? Despite myself, he said a prayer over me, I was forgiven for all my sins and he gave me his prayer rope....right off his wrist!  I was truly honored and didn't feel worthy, but really didn't understand the magnitude of the simple act.  Sophia was crying, I thought he gave it to me because she had brought me there and he obviously loves her, but she said she had never seen him do that before.  It's like having a holy relic.  The other day I almost had a heart attack because I accidentally wore it in the shower!  I truly feel blessed and can't thank Sophia enough for the experience and her kindness.  I'm still not really sure why he gave me his prayer rope, but I do know that if a day goes by that I don't use it, I feel REALLY guilty!!

Friday, the 19th, I went and saw TJ, Dr Meng's assistant.  I did a little (or maybe a lot of) complaining.  I just appreciate people who walk their talk and don't really care for people who don't... I wasn't looking for a best friend, just an oncologist.  I don't want to deal with wondering if I'm getting the right information. TJ is awesome and gets the whole walk/talk thing...he's my new contact.  I'll try not to drive him crazy.  All in all we have some great results.  The chemo is really working.  The original size of "my lump" was 4.8 cm and now it's 10 mm.  That's better than normal results, so things are looking great.  My hemoglobin was really low so now I get a new super stingy shot to try and raise it.  Evidently there's a reason I've been such a slug!...More good news!

Tuesday, the 23rd I met Dr. Gawley.  I love him and his office staff.  My mom even loves him!! He went over all the steps, showed me what things will look like, what's possible and what's not.  What a concept!  AND there will be minimal scarring...kinda like what a plastic surgeon would do!!!  So, I don't really know what the heck has happened since then...It's all kind of  hazy.  Surgery is on the 7th...Yikes, that happens to only be 3 days away.  We put up the Christmas Tree up over the weekend.  Today I went and got all the "paraphernalia" I'll need.   I got my prescriptions filled, I might test the vicadin just to make sure it works! Other than that, I'm not really sure what else I need to do.  I feel like I have all this stuff to do, but don't really know what to do?a lot, but not on anything productive or Christmassy...as in presents.  I'm really cranky and hermity ...I'm not sure why anyone would want to spend any time here, but I'm mad at everyone for not coming by....I want people to call, but don't want to talk to anyone!!! What the heck! I've turned into a hormonal beast!  So, sorry if anyone has seen this ugly beast emerge.  I'm working on getting it under control.....Will write again when I come out of my surgery coma!!

The Feather that Floated Down and Broke my Camel's Back

Where does the time go??  I started writing this blog the first week of November......ssssoooo much has happened since then so this is going to be a long one!! The following paragraph was written then:

The last couple weeks have flown by....thanks to my Aunt Mary, Aunt Doris and Uncle Dan.  They came into town Friday night.  It's awesome having some company.  I think that's one of the worse parts.... not feeling good enough to get out of the house ...but  not feeling bad enough to just be sitting at home alone.  Saturday happened to be one of the days I was feeling really good.. I drug Aunt Mary and Thea Georgia all over town getting my errands done.  Sunday I went to the Cardinals game with with Lisa and her family.  What a game!  We had a blast!  I went straight from there to trick or treating and the Halloween Party. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow!  Monday was my last chemo for this round..Yeah!.... Let's get this show on the road.  Monday night we had an awesome evening...Greek Style...in other words...lots of food and family!  It was awesome.  Next week I've got everything scheduled to get going.  Wed. is the plastic surgeon and the MRI, then the following Monday is Dr. Freedman, the surgeon, and Tuesday is Dr. Meng.....ready, set, go!!

So... to bring you up to date..I met with the plastic surgeon Dr. Freedman recommended.  It was disastrous!!  My first impression was not so good....She came into the room with her little cheetah print skirt that was shorter than her lab coat, support hose, 3 or 4 inch heels, and was in her late 50's or early 60's.  Lisa is still asking me if I could even believe her lips,...I didn't see them...  I never got past the Jersey girl blue eye shadow and cat eye shaped pupil.......but still, really wanted to like her.  She asked a few questions, made no eye contact and kept flipping through my file, writing down notes, secret style.....you know, that's when you hold up a paper in front of what your writing and lean down so no one else ..I guess that would be me..can see what it is.  Anyway, I told her that Dr Freedman said I probably will be able to keep my skin and nipple..I know...TMI... She looked shocked and said if I had the cancer YOU have I would not recommend it....but Dr Freedman will make the ultimate decision.  I told her Dr. Meng said if I can keep my skin I wouldn't have to have "extenders"....She was totally confused and said "I don't know what your talking about".  When I explained it's the thing you use to stretch the tissue and muscle...she said "OH...you mean exPanders". .... Really?.... The "T" was really that confusing??!..moving on... she explained what exPanders are and said but they only get so big...Hold the phone.  Wait a minute...how big???? Without typing a book, let's just say she said "nothing like what you have".  ?? What does that mean?  I mean at the moment, since I'm gained weight and refuse to buy bigger clothes, I have a choice.  A uni boob in a sports bra or the lovely 4 boob set in my too small D...I know I know, this is WAY to much info, but I tried writing it without it and it doesn't mean as much to me!!!!   I  crack myself up!!....So, after much coaxing and conversation, I came away with the fact that I am getting B's with scars....I thought I was at a plastic surgeons, wasn't counting on an Edward Scissorhands prophecy....according to Ms. Lips there's no discussion or any other option.  When I asked if I will ever have a normal looking chest, she said, "Well, I could show you pictures, or better yet go on line"...What?  I mean really? My GP forbids me from going on line. It seemed I was getting my PHD on line when I had hives.  Evidently, a little information can be dangerous!! ...Back to the B's,  I have dimples on my behind bigger than that...This was supposed to be the big prize for going through this whole thing!?  Really, I know that's weird, woo hoo, I'm going to live, but I get the "boobie" prize.  :(  No pun intended!  I was fine when I left the office...disappointed, but no tears.  Lisa swears she said "perky B's"..if she did, I didn't hear it.

I woke up Thursday and thought I was fine.... Not so much.. I got on the phone and called Jacquie, a survivor who has been through this whole process.  She had given me a call to answer some questions about this hair growing machine thing.  She was awesome and I kept her number.  She gave me names of plastic surgeons, names of people to talk to at the Virginia Piper Center, and phone numbers for her friend that does the tattooing for most of the surgeons....yeah, weird, but don't ask if you don't know!...  She talked to me for 30 minutes and gave me steps to take to do something different.  I called the Piper center and talked to a cancer care nurse, Marlene, for another 30 minutes.  She also was awesome....I started bawling again when she asked if I wanted to come in or just talk on the phone...I guess the phone was good!  She listened while I talked about my oncologist and gave me some great direction, emailed me a calender with all the events, classes, and support groups that the Piper Center offers, and the name of a different plastic surgeon.  I felt a million times better.  As soon as I hung up, Lisa called with the name of a plastic surgeon.  All three gave me the same name.  Dr Gawley.  I have an appointment with him next Thursday!

Friday morning Dr Meng's office called with good news!  The chemo was working and we can go ahead with the surgery.....  YIKES!    I'm not sure of time frame.  Monday, I'll talk to Dr. Freedman about scheduling and the second opinion I'm getting from Dr. Gawley.  They'll have to work out when they will both be available for a surgery date.  I'm hoping I don't have to start the second round of chemo until I recover from the surgery.  I'm just starting to have some energy and and feel almost "normal".  Well, as normal as I can looking like a favorite uncle.... my eyelashes are falling out...It's bothering me more than shaving my head??...Okay, back to the surgery-chemo thing.  I think we have to wait until the stitches and drains are out and heal.....Then you can fill the exPanders while I'm doing the last four chemo's.  It all sounds lovely, and I can't wait to be done!  It feels like the world's moving on and I'm stuck with no control over it.....Not a good feeling for a  control freak in denial!!!!  So this week, everybody cross your fingers for better news than B's with scars!

I'm so Yucky!!!

I decided I should probably get back on track and update my blog.....the natives are getting restless!!  Ha ha, not really, but people are starting to send flowers and sht!!!  I'm still here, alive and kicking. Yep, I've been in a bit of a slacker lately, but really, I can hardly stand myself.  Probably don't have much to say that would be printable... pissy x 10.  Tuesday the Dr. told me how lucky I am....ya know,.... bite me!!

I had my 3rd chemo.  It was the regular party, lots of good friends and family.  We went to lunch after...just no margaritas this time.  Every now and then I learn my lesson.  This time I decided to do something different.  Dr. Rubin had me come in for vitamin C IVs.  Evidently vitamin C works way better than tequila....Who knew?  I really didn't even get sick, of course then I did way to much and am exhausted, but it was way worth it!  Alex, my nephew, was in town to play baseball in a Junior Showcase at the Peoria Sports Complex.   I made 4 out of his 5 games.... the 1 game we won't talk about, because I was really upset I didn't make it...long, not very nice story! It was great to see Alex, the program said he's 6 ft....can you believe that... When did he grow up?? I didn't think he would understand if I still wanted to call him "punkin head" from the stands! I was so grateful I could go to the games, and he even took time to go to lunch with me everyday.  Saturday, Andi, Athanasia, and Anna all came to the game, we even went to the Greek Festival at "Yiayia's" church for lunch.  So that was my week.... get up, go to the game and lunch, come home, go to bed...repeat.  It was awesome!!
So, like I said, Tuesday, I went back to the Dr.  It was great news.  The "lump" feels fleshy, which is a good thing.  It means the chemo is working!  Yeah!  The plan is...Monday, Nov. 1st, chemo.  Week of the 8th, MRI.  If everything goes as planned I should have my new "girls" by Christmas!   There are lots of little things I would like to talk about at some other time.  At this point I would just like to say that everyone needs to take charge and be an active participant in their own health care.
Today I'm back on antibiotics with a fever.  If everyone can send out a little prayer so I don't miss chemo on Monday, I would really appreciate it....I've seen what you all can do!! Thanks.

Oh.... and just a little FYI about the title....It's for Anna.  When she was little and had a little trouble with her L's , her sisters and I were driving out to my house and Anna announced..."We're sssoooo YUCKY!!!"  Yep, she meant Lucky, but what I wouldn't give for her to ask me to sit in my yap cuz she just yuvs me! But, we're all growing up, Anna's graduated from speech, and yes Dr. Meng.....I am lucky!

Extreme, oh, and opposite Emotions

OMG I have to get out of bed!!! I've fallen right into my comfy self pity poof of a bed.  I really don't want to talk to anybody or do anything....Yep, I just want to lay here...oh, and feel guilty about laying here, but not guilty enough to actually get up...What's up with that????  I keep thinking I need to get up and move...get some exercise...but, then I really don't feel good enough to  get up, then I see my bald head in a shadow or a mirror and think wtf.  What happened? ....

Monday I got my second chemo treatment. Only two more until the surgery.  I can't wait to be done....It feels like the world keeps on going and I'm kinda stuck right where I'm at until I'm done.   Okay, Okay...enough... Monday was fun.  We had a regular chemo party!  I had my "posse" with me.  I was done in two and a half hours....Piece of cake!!

From there we went to the mall in search of wigs.  What a trip...Mall hair x 10!!  I'm still not sure about the lady working in the wig store... I mean really, if your selling the whole idea of people not being able to tell the difference, you should probably exemplify that particular quality!  It kind of reminded me of the lady that worked at Garrett's growing up....really? you didn't notice your lips are a half inch below your lipstick line?  Anyway, I'm not sure if she was really happy we were there or not.... I finally had to tell her what kind of shopper I am....I WILL have to try on every wig in here before I buy one...sorry, should we come back another day... or is that your job???? Okay, maybe I'm a little cranky!   Teri took a picture of me with each wig on..... Maybe I should have looked at the pics before I bought one!!

Throw on a wig to throw your "hair " in a pony??

Whose nose is that?

to red to many chins?

What did I say I did??

how does blond = horse face?

Okay,  I hope I'm amusing you, because this is humiliating!



 Dolly Who???? Where???    Maybe after the surgery!





Maybe something a little different??

Perfect!!

Pink & Green

be fab!!

It was a fun day!  From there we went to lunch for margaritas...in the future, just so I know... Margaritas and chemo don't really mix!!  Maybe that explains the last two days of not being able to eat and not getting out of bed... Oh and just so the Dr knows.... Chemo is to a weight loss program... maybe she just hasn't done it.  The problem is ... you really don't care if your losing or not... you just want to feel good.    Maybe feel good and be "normal".  Normal is kinda hard with this thing sticking out just under your skin on your chest ...oh, and the whole bald thing.  That's hard to fake for normal.  I think I'm sounding a little pathetic so I'll quit writing for today....I think I'll go for a walk.  It's beautiful out.  I do want to say before I sign off, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all my awesome friends and family who have materialized out of the blue.  I know that in day to day life I have always thought about you and thought I would be there if you ever needed me...I didn't realize how many of you were there for me.  This whole process, however much it sucks, does make you stop and take notice of who and what is important in life.  You all are taking the bite out of my trip. I don't know how I will ever be able to give enough back to make it up to all of you.  I just want you to know you are soooo much appreciated!  Thank you, thank you!

Emergency Head Shaving Party!

The day started with with the shower water not draining...OMG... there was a baseball size glob of hair that didn't make it down the drain, which to me meant, I'm sure lots did,.... but then maybe now I got all of the loose hair and the rest will be secure.  Whatever!  If I ran my hand through it, I would come up with even more hair than yesterday.  It was one of the few days I had to leave the house,  I'm so grateful that I can stay home when I need to.  I then had to figure out what in the heck I could wear that would go with a bandanna and baseball cap.  I was going to lunch with my cousin Teri and her friends at the Enchantment Resort.  It is amazingly beautiful there....You know, before this pesky cancer thing I probably wouldn't have taken the time...and boy did I hear about it....to drive 1 1/2 hrs to just go to lunch then turn around and drive back.  It was sssoooo worth it. Okay, wait, back up,  I've driven to Prescott (1hr drive) for a 17 second horse race got my picture taken, got back in the car and went back to work! Anyway, I had to try to keep my hair "contained". Nobody wants to have lunch with someone that would get hair in their meal!  I was shedding like an Alaskan Malamute in Arizona.   I was afraid I was going to take my bandanna off and all of my hair would be in it... scary!  I actually looked, then I called for the emergency head shaving party.  I had decided that I wanted "my kids" to cut my hair for me.  I thought it would be better for them so they just didn't show up and I was bald, AND they are incredibly fun to have around! I had talked about it with their real mom, Andi, and it was the plan.  I called Andi.  This can't wait till next week, there might not be any hair left by then.  They were coming at 7:00pm.  That, in itself, was no small feat.  We're talking three very active girls. Their schedules are packed; between homework, cross fit, cheer, singing, softball, Greek dance, friends and, oh, just being kids they have 0 time.  They were rounded up and all at my house at 7:00 with Thea Georgia in tow.  Lloyd came over with clippers, and Teri showed up with a camera...great?  I ordered pizza, I didn't really know what to serve at a head shaving party ...I ate my gluten free meal...what will power!..then it was time for the main event.  Yikes! First, we had to decide who was going first... there was some discussion about who wanted to do what style...I was like a human Chrissy doll.  Do they even make those any more? I'm sure now it's some computer generated makeover!...  At first, they each took a turn cutting rather timidly, Anna was holding my hand for support.  It didn't take long for all three to be working at the same time..  I went from Rhianna to Brittney in less than an hour!  And, okay, I can be an idiot and still say some of the stupidest things on the planet.  Never say, " Be careful with those scissors, if I get cut I could die!...omg..I'm kidding, I'm kidding".  Evidently, NOT funny.  I keep forgetting that everyone doesn't know that I'm going to be okay.  Other than that, we had a blast..in a weird sort of way. Lots of love and laughter.  Thanks girls!   I can't imagine watching it come out piece by piece,  or sitting in a salon or barber shop watching someone shave it off. You did an awesome job and made me laugh!   Next official party is the Wig Hunt on Monday!