The Feather that Floated Down and Broke my Camel's Back

Where does the time go??  I started writing this blog the first week of November......ssssoooo much has happened since then so this is going to be a long one!! The following paragraph was written then:

The last couple weeks have flown by....thanks to my Aunt Mary, Aunt Doris and Uncle Dan.  They came into town Friday night.  It's awesome having some company.  I think that's one of the worse parts.... not feeling good enough to get out of the house ...but  not feeling bad enough to just be sitting at home alone.  Saturday happened to be one of the days I was feeling really good.. I drug Aunt Mary and Thea Georgia all over town getting my errands done.  Sunday I went to the Cardinals game with with Lisa and her family.  What a game!  We had a blast!  I went straight from there to trick or treating and the Halloween Party. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow!  Monday was my last chemo for this round..Yeah!.... Let's get this show on the road.  Monday night we had an awesome evening...Greek Style...in other words...lots of food and family!  It was awesome.  Next week I've got everything scheduled to get going.  Wed. is the plastic surgeon and the MRI, then the following Monday is Dr. Freedman, the surgeon, and Tuesday is Dr. Meng.....ready, set, go!!

So... to bring you up to date..I met with the plastic surgeon Dr. Freedman recommended.  It was disastrous!!  My first impression was not so good....She came into the room with her little cheetah print skirt that was shorter than her lab coat, support hose, 3 or 4 inch heels, and was in her late 50's or early 60's.  Lisa is still asking me if I could even believe her lips,...I didn't see them...  I never got past the Jersey girl blue eye shadow and cat eye shaped pupil.......but still, really wanted to like her.  She asked a few questions, made no eye contact and kept flipping through my file, writing down notes, secret style.....you know, that's when you hold up a paper in front of what your writing and lean down so no one else ..I guess that would be me..can see what it is.  Anyway, I told her that Dr Freedman said I probably will be able to keep my skin and nipple..I know...TMI... She looked shocked and said if I had the cancer YOU have I would not recommend it....but Dr Freedman will make the ultimate decision.  I told her Dr. Meng said if I can keep my skin I wouldn't have to have "extenders"....She was totally confused and said "I don't know what your talking about".  When I explained it's the thing you use to stretch the tissue and muscle...she said "OH...you mean exPanders". .... Really?.... The "T" was really that confusing??!..moving on... she explained what exPanders are and said but they only get so big...Hold the phone.  Wait a minute...how big???? Without typing a book, let's just say she said "nothing like what you have".  ?? What does that mean?  I mean at the moment, since I'm gained weight and refuse to buy bigger clothes, I have a choice.  A uni boob in a sports bra or the lovely 4 boob set in my too small D...I know I know, this is WAY to much info, but I tried writing it without it and it doesn't mean as much to me!!!!   I  crack myself up!!....So, after much coaxing and conversation, I came away with the fact that I am getting B's with scars....I thought I was at a plastic surgeons, wasn't counting on an Edward Scissorhands prophecy....according to Ms. Lips there's no discussion or any other option.  When I asked if I will ever have a normal looking chest, she said, "Well, I could show you pictures, or better yet go on line"...What?  I mean really? My GP forbids me from going on line. It seemed I was getting my PHD on line when I had hives.  Evidently, a little information can be dangerous!! ...Back to the B's,  I have dimples on my behind bigger than that...This was supposed to be the big prize for going through this whole thing!?  Really, I know that's weird, woo hoo, I'm going to live, but I get the "boobie" prize.  :(  No pun intended!  I was fine when I left the office...disappointed, but no tears.  Lisa swears she said "perky B's"..if she did, I didn't hear it.

I woke up Thursday and thought I was fine.... Not so much.. I got on the phone and called Jacquie, a survivor who has been through this whole process.  She had given me a call to answer some questions about this hair growing machine thing.  She was awesome and I kept her number.  She gave me names of plastic surgeons, names of people to talk to at the Virginia Piper Center, and phone numbers for her friend that does the tattooing for most of the surgeons....yeah, weird, but don't ask if you don't know!...  She talked to me for 30 minutes and gave me steps to take to do something different.  I called the Piper center and talked to a cancer care nurse, Marlene, for another 30 minutes.  She also was awesome....I started bawling again when she asked if I wanted to come in or just talk on the phone...I guess the phone was good!  She listened while I talked about my oncologist and gave me some great direction, emailed me a calender with all the events, classes, and support groups that the Piper Center offers, and the name of a different plastic surgeon.  I felt a million times better.  As soon as I hung up, Lisa called with the name of a plastic surgeon.  All three gave me the same name.  Dr Gawley.  I have an appointment with him next Thursday!

Friday morning Dr Meng's office called with good news!  The chemo was working and we can go ahead with the surgery.....  YIKES!    I'm not sure of time frame.  Monday, I'll talk to Dr. Freedman about scheduling and the second opinion I'm getting from Dr. Gawley.  They'll have to work out when they will both be available for a surgery date.  I'm hoping I don't have to start the second round of chemo until I recover from the surgery.  I'm just starting to have some energy and and feel almost "normal".  Well, as normal as I can looking like a favorite uncle.... my eyelashes are falling out...It's bothering me more than shaving my head??...Okay, back to the surgery-chemo thing.  I think we have to wait until the stitches and drains are out and heal.....Then you can fill the exPanders while I'm doing the last four chemo's.  It all sounds lovely, and I can't wait to be done!  It feels like the world's moving on and I'm stuck with no control over it.....Not a good feeling for a  control freak in denial!!!!  So this week, everybody cross your fingers for better news than B's with scars!